Surrender for Joy By Betsy

I had one of those days yesterday. It started at 4:45 a.m. and didn't end until 9:00 p.m. There was a mile long list of things to do and it seemed that everything was resisting my ability to complete the list. The kids fought all day long, I don't have enough shelving for all my storage boxes, the vacuum is going out on me, my hair dryer is smoking... and that was just part of it! Collin dumped out a bottle of canola oil on my kitchen floor and a bottle of soap on my living room floor. He also unfolded a bunch of folded laundry. Neither of the kids wanted to help put away all their toys. The parsnips kept burning while I was frying them. Cory didn't want to nap. Michael got home and told me that he had to work on a report for the church finance meeting the next day (which means I wouldn't get a reprieve from dealing with the kids AND the household stuff).

By 4:45 p.m. I was ready to give up! I was struggling to keep my temper in check and found it difficult to resist crawling into bed until morning. My day was far from over... I still had several things on the to do list and knew that it would take several more hours to finish it all.

I was less than joyful. And about the time I was finished cooking supper... and was giving myself a grand pity party... I realized that my day was so terrible because I let it be so terrible. Getting in my own way of joy. Again. A whole day wasted in a bad mood because of my poor attitude.

So, instead of letting the kids eat by themselves while I scrambled to get the kitchen clean and finish up that to do list, I sat down, ate my colcannon shepherd's pie and thought about how to get my joy back. And I remembered one of the first verses that I memorized as a child:

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not into thine own understanding.

I didn't surrender any of these problems to the Lord and, so, I didn't trust Him. I was trying, and failing, to do everything on my own. There's no room for joy in my heart when my heart won't surrender its problems to Him. I have to trust Him to work everything out. Basically, I have to mind my own business. It's His business to work out finances to buy a new vacuum. He knows we don't have the extra money right now but, if He wants us to buy one, He'll send us a way. My heart cannot be light and joyful if I refuse to trust Him with my problems.

You might be saying that God has bigger problems to deal with... my broken down vacuum cleaner isn't exactly high priority. To that I say-- are any of our problems big to God? The same God can be trusted to deal with the safety of my family AND my financial ability to purchase household items. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows the number of babies in NICU. Are the hairs on my head more important than the babies? Nope. But He still knows them all.

My kids might have fought all day, but I have to trust that the Lord will help them remember that it's better to be kind to one another than it is to constantly fight one another. My vacuum cleaner might die on me this week, but He knows we need clean carpet! The parsnips might burn while I'm trying to clean up canola oil, but there's really nothing I can do about that. I'll just trust Him with our supper and do the best I can (which sometimes means starting all over again).

After I reasoned through my day's problems and remembered that they are, after all, small trees in a giant forest, I was able to get started on my list again... this time with a MUCH better attitude! When the list-doing got interrupted I worked through it, gave it to the Lord and got back to my list. It took a while, but everything got checked off the list and I joyfully went to bed.

My evening turned out to be much more peaceful... and more joyful... than my day! Betsy

Motherhood Made Easier

And she said unto Elijah, What have I to do with thee, O thou man of God? art thou come unto me to call my sin to remembrance, and to slay my son? 1 Kings 17:18

The woman quoted in this verse is a widow that was mentioned by Jesus. In addition to being the focus of Jesus’ comment she gives us some unexpected, helpful insight into motherhood. Please read the unique story in this chapter beginning at verse 1. In this post I'll call the widow Alma from the Hebrew word for widow: almanah.

Horrible tragedy struck Alma: her only child died. Look closely at her response in verse 18. She partially blamed herself. Her conscience had pierced her clouded, grieving mind with two words: “my fault!”

Alma was plagued by guilt from the past… what had she done? What dark guilt-laden memories would replay every time her fears were aroused? She couldn’t free herself from these memories or guilt… Conscience was Alma’s master, guilt her chains, and fear her tormentor. A cruel bondage. Now, she believed, payday had come and the wage was unbearable. Her husband first… now her son.

Alma is a keen example of some mothers who sense there is a God, but know little about him. This incomplete understanding places a terrible burden on mothers, and affects everything they do. As mothers become more secularized they lose a firm understanding of the Gospel and its benefits for mothers.

Here are some things mothers have in common:

• Just like Alma, all mothers have made some mistakes in their lives. Romans 3:23
• This means all thoughtful mothers have done things they wish they hadn’t done.
• Just like Alma, mothers tend to take personal responsibility for the behavior and actions of their children, as well as what happens to their children.
• And just like Alma, mothers struggle with some level of guilt aggravated by the demands they put on themselves, and by the “perfect” mothers paraded on TV, at PTA, in “how to” books, on internet blogs, or at church, etc.

A woman doesn’t have to be a Christian to be a warm, caring mother, but a mother, like Alma, who doesn’t believe the Gospel and understand grace:

• Has no lasting remedy for her guilt, and may live with a constant fear of judgment.
• May carry this burden of guilt which can cause even more self-loathing and guilt for things beyond her control.
• Can be more inclined to beat herself up for her imperfections, resulting in unrealistic demands on herself and her children… adding more guilt.
• May not recognize any spiritual help with raising her children.

A mother who believes the Gospel and understands grace:

• Has a permanent remedy for her guilt: forgiveness in Jesus Christ. True Freedom!
• Can trust a loving and merciful God in matters beyond her control.
• While not excusing her imperfections, accepts the fact that she will never be perfect in this life, neither will her children. She learns the power and freedom of forgiveness...
• Lives under the Grace of God, and knows God cares about every need. She knows God loves her children as much as she does, and He helps her raise them.
• Knows that this life is not the end, so she seeks the salvation of her children.

Alma came to know a kind and merciful God... I hope you know him too. A personal understanding of God's Grace In Jesus Christ makes motherhood so much easier.

Perfect Woman???

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

You won’t hear this often in our utopian based Christian culture, but this chapter was not intended to be an expose’ on the attainable goals of womanhood. This was not a description of any woman who ever has been or ever will be an inhabitant of this planet.

The word translated “who” is a Hebrew question (who?) usually used when seeking the identity, ancestry, or an external fact about a person. But it has a very important shade of meaning when it is used as it is in this verse. “In impassioned prose, and especially in poetry, implying the answer few or none; it is equivalent to a rhetorical negative.” BDB

This passage is definitely Hebrew poetry (each verse begins with a Hebrew letter), and therefore it has, by use of this word, the implied answer of “few or none” can find such a virtuous woman. The question then is: did the author believe there was or ever could be such a woman? I believe the intent of the writer was to declare that no women can meet this description. The Hebrew Scholar and pastor, John Gill, agrees, “But, the description cannot agree with any of the daughters of fallen Adam, literally understood; not with Bathsheba, the mother of Solomon; nor with the Virgin Mary; nor indeed with any other; for though some parts of the description may meet in some women, yet not all in one.”

Some reader may now be thinking, “What if your wife reads this?” I hope she does, because it will give me the opportunity to tell her one more time how much I love her, and I love her just as she is now, was yesterday, and will be tomorrow. That I will stay in love with her whatever comes. I hope she stopped worrying about being the perfect wife and mother years ago... and has just let herself fall into the unconditional, adoring love of her husband, children, and grandchildren. You have no idea how much I love this woman.

Some people worry so much about being something they aren't, that they can't enjoy being just who they are, and let themselves be loved in a rapturous unconditional way. I am not saying that we should not strive to be better, we should. But striving to be better is also a declaration that we haven't reached that goal. And there is a comfort in knowing that those nearest you know that about you... and seem to not even notice, because they love you... the real you.

So what is the reason for this chapter in the Bible? I think I have just stated it. It is a standard too high to reach… but is that not always the case with perfection? The perfection of the law is there for one main reason: to show us how far we are from perfection. When we know this, and only when we know this, can we let ourselves fall into the unconditional, adoring love of our Savior. We have no idea how much He loves us.

I have two other posts you might want to read: Will You Still Love Me If You Know Me? and Will I Ever Find True Love?

A Mother's Body... Made To Protect Her Child

Thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13

We all are aware of the wonderful system of child birth. A mother’s body becomes the sanctuary in which an infant is protected while it develops. Scientists have recently discovered a process designed to protect an infant's brain during the trauma of child birth.

It seems the mother’s body chemically protects her child’s brain during delivery by temporarily silencing the child’s brain cells. Recent studies identify the hormone oxytocin as the chemical from the mother’s body used to induce this temporary mental silence. Oxytocin is very important to childbirth, motherhood, and life in general.

Another recent interesting find concerning motherhood is that there are particular neural circuits involving several regions in a mother’s brain tied specifically to her child’s voice. Everyone has known that a mother can pick her child’s voice from a crowd of noisy children, but now we know why. When a mother first identifies a child as her child (this includes adopted children), God biologically gives that child’s voice an exclusive permanent space in his/her mother’s brain. Our Father in heaven is amazing!

Oh... by the way, the picture is of Betsy Barnes, my daughter, and her youngest child, Collin... oh how my Father has blessed me!