Surrender for Joy By Betsy

I had one of those days yesterday. It started at 4:45 a.m. and didn't end until 9:00 p.m. There was a mile long list of things to do and it seemed that everything was resisting my ability to complete the list. The kids fought all day long, I don't have enough shelving for all my storage boxes, the vacuum is going out on me, my hair dryer is smoking... and that was just part of it! Collin dumped out a bottle of canola oil on my kitchen floor and a bottle of soap on my living room floor. He also unfolded a bunch of folded laundry. Neither of the kids wanted to help put away all their toys. The parsnips kept burning while I was frying them. Cory didn't want to nap. Michael got home and told me that he had to work on a report for the church finance meeting the next day (which means I wouldn't get a reprieve from dealing with the kids AND the household stuff).

By 4:45 p.m. I was ready to give up! I was struggling to keep my temper in check and found it difficult to resist crawling into bed until morning. My day was far from over... I still had several things on the to do list and knew that it would take several more hours to finish it all.

I was less than joyful. And about the time I was finished cooking supper... and was giving myself a grand pity party... I realized that my day was so terrible because I let it be so terrible. Getting in my own way of joy. Again. A whole day wasted in a bad mood because of my poor attitude.

So, instead of letting the kids eat by themselves while I scrambled to get the kitchen clean and finish up that to do list, I sat down, ate my colcannon shepherd's pie and thought about how to get my joy back. And I remembered one of the first verses that I memorized as a child:

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not into thine own understanding.

I didn't surrender any of these problems to the Lord and, so, I didn't trust Him. I was trying, and failing, to do everything on my own. There's no room for joy in my heart when my heart won't surrender its problems to Him. I have to trust Him to work everything out. Basically, I have to mind my own business. It's His business to work out finances to buy a new vacuum. He knows we don't have the extra money right now but, if He wants us to buy one, He'll send us a way. My heart cannot be light and joyful if I refuse to trust Him with my problems.

You might be saying that God has bigger problems to deal with... my broken down vacuum cleaner isn't exactly high priority. To that I say-- are any of our problems big to God? The same God can be trusted to deal with the safety of my family AND my financial ability to purchase household items. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows the number of babies in NICU. Are the hairs on my head more important than the babies? Nope. But He still knows them all.

My kids might have fought all day, but I have to trust that the Lord will help them remember that it's better to be kind to one another than it is to constantly fight one another. My vacuum cleaner might die on me this week, but He knows we need clean carpet! The parsnips might burn while I'm trying to clean up canola oil, but there's really nothing I can do about that. I'll just trust Him with our supper and do the best I can (which sometimes means starting all over again).

After I reasoned through my day's problems and remembered that they are, after all, small trees in a giant forest, I was able to get started on my list again... this time with a MUCH better attitude! When the list-doing got interrupted I worked through it, gave it to the Lord and got back to my list. It took a while, but everything got checked off the list and I joyfully went to bed.

My evening turned out to be much more peaceful... and more joyful... than my day! Betsy

Trouble Finding Joy?

My daughter, Betsy, a pastor's wife and mother of three, enjoys blogging for close friends and family. Her writing is insightful and uplifting, so I asked her if I could post some of her material. She agreed, so here is the second post. You can read the first one here.

As I mentioned before, the whole point of my Year of Joy is to help me re-focus on what's truly important. It helps keep the 'envies' at bay. It also helps me when I get bogged down in the unimportant disappointments in life. I'm emphasizing unimportant here.... I'm talking about the trifling, inconsequential disappointments. The ones that don't really matter. There are disappointments that matter. The big ones that make huge impacts on our lives. But that's not what I mean. I mean something like... getting stuck in traffic. Or having to do laundry when it's piled to the ceiling. Or burning supper. Or having your closing date changed.

Ya, that last one really got me down last week. I was prepared for Wednesday night to be our last night in this house. Everything except what we would need until Thursday was packed away. And I was upset to find out that we wouldn't be closing until the following week. But, really, how whiny is that?? We are fortunate enough to have just built a new house and I'm letting something so trifling effect my outlook and mood.

And then another 'go to' verse jumped into my mind:

Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

So I told myself to snap out of it already!! It's time to make my heart merry! We'll move... eventually. We'll deal with having just a few pairs of shoes and clothes and dishes out... I wasn't going to unpack anything, so we'd figure out a way to make do for another week. Big deal! And then I started to think of all the joyful things we could accomplish between that 'ugghhh' moment and the day we'd move. I came up with several things to do that would bring me (and the family) joy. After a few minutes I felt much better about the situation. And a bit ashamed of how I let inconsequential bad news get in my way of joy. There goes another conviction from God. Just like the 'evil of envy' conviction runs through my mind (as I mentioned here), not letting little, negative happenings get me down is another conviction that runs through my mind. And, as before, I believe it's given to me by God. And, as before, I thank Him for it. I don't want my life to be ruled by envy or negativity.

Not only would this lack of merry-ness affect me, but it would also affect anyone around me. That's rather unacceptable considering that I'm around my children almost 24/7. The word 'countenance' in this verse specifically refers to how I'm perceived on the outside. The Hebrew word (paniym) is most often translated as before, face and presence. So, according to this verse, my outward presence is made cheerful by a merry heart. And how can my heart be merry when I'm allowing silly, paltry events become significant and worth my worry? It can't. And my children will see this. And learn from this.

Lord, help make my heart merry.... it can't be done without You.

Perfect Woman???

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

You won’t hear this often in our utopian based Christian culture, but this chapter was not intended to be an expose’ on the attainable goals of womanhood. This was not a description of any woman who ever has been or ever will be an inhabitant of this planet.

The word translated “who” is a Hebrew question (who?) usually used when seeking the identity, ancestry, or an external fact about a person. But it has a very important shade of meaning when it is used as it is in this verse. “In impassioned prose, and especially in poetry, implying the answer few or none; it is equivalent to a rhetorical negative.” BDB

This passage is definitely Hebrew poetry (each verse begins with a Hebrew letter), and therefore it has, by use of this word, the implied answer of “few or none” can find such a virtuous woman. The question then is: did the author believe there was or ever could be such a woman? I believe the intent of the writer was to declare that no women can meet this description. The Hebrew Scholar and pastor, John Gill, agrees, “But, the description cannot agree with any of the daughters of fallen Adam, literally understood; not with Bathsheba, the mother of Solomon; nor with the Virgin Mary; nor indeed with any other; for though some parts of the description may meet in some women, yet not all in one.”

Some reader may now be thinking, “What if your wife reads this?” I hope she does, because it will give me the opportunity to tell her one more time how much I love her, and I love her just as she is now, was yesterday, and will be tomorrow. That I will stay in love with her whatever comes. I hope she stopped worrying about being the perfect wife and mother years ago... and has just let herself fall into the unconditional, adoring love of her husband, children, and grandchildren. You have no idea how much I love this woman.

Some people worry so much about being something they aren't, that they can't enjoy being just who they are, and let themselves be loved in a rapturous unconditional way. I am not saying that we should not strive to be better, we should. But striving to be better is also a declaration that we haven't reached that goal. And there is a comfort in knowing that those nearest you know that about you... and seem to not even notice, because they love you... the real you.

So what is the reason for this chapter in the Bible? I think I have just stated it. It is a standard too high to reach… but is that not always the case with perfection? The perfection of the law is there for one main reason: to show us how far we are from perfection. When we know this, and only when we know this, can we let ourselves fall into the unconditional, adoring love of our Savior. We have no idea how much He loves us.

I have two other posts you might want to read: Will You Still Love Me If You Know Me? and Will I Ever Find True Love?